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Posts Tagged ‘nature of reality’

Hi friends!

How are you holding up?  These are oh-so-strange days, aren’t they?  When I knew that all of my work would be shut down for an indeterminate amount of time, I thought, “Okay, I’ll use the time to try and make some sense out of this from a Yogic perspective.”  Lofty goal.  Since then I’ve come to realize that in order for me to make sense of anything, I need to be clear of crisis.  I need space and time and perspective and OXYGEN in order to process things, to sort them and to put them together in a reasonable, sensible way.  But here we are in the midst of this Covid crisis and my head really isn’t clear enough to make sense of anything.  How about you?

Here’s one thing I have observed, beyond the weird obsession with toilet paper and hoarding:  there has been very little space given to free expression of feelings like fear and confusion and grief.  There are so many wonderful online things going on – concerts, group choir events, dancing, Yoga, movies.  I honour these things.  I honour the immense efforts of people who are trying to keep us all calm and feeling okay in this world.  AND….

….And I think it is so incredibly important to provide a platform for people to say those taboo things like:  I am terrified; What if I get sick and die; What if there’s honestly no food left?  That is also part of our experience and I think if we don’t give it some air, it takes over our minds.  When it takes over our minds we end up in situations where we have a grocery cart full of paper products that we will protect with a knife.  Don’t let it get there, friends.  Know that this is a forum for you to be honest about the feelings you feel are too difficult to air elsewhere.  You don’t have to do it in public.  You can send me a private message.  I have absolutely NO solutions for you, but I am open enough to hear you.  Sometimes that’s what we need.

I’ll tell you that even after so many years of mindfulness practice, I have been losing my shit this week.  The intensity of losing work plus working with my partner to ensure we have enough supplies to weather the storm was big enough.  Add to that the sudden health crisis of one of our cats and you have a situation that was too much for my mind and nervous system.  I melted down.  No, that sounds too gentle.  I went nuclear.  I yelled things that I don’t actually remember yelling.  I stomped around like a crazy person.  I was a crazy person.  A living thing I love immensely was in trouble and the helplessness of it heaped on top of the other helplessness and WHAMMO!  I was in orbit.  I knew I was in orbit but I just couldn’t stop myself.  So the practice is helping but I have a loooooong way to go.  🙂

I mention this in case you have found yourself in similar circumstances.  Maybe you consider yourself to be a fairly peaceful person but suddenly you’re yelling and swearing at people on the street.  These are extraordinary times, friends.  We are in survival mode.  Survival mode is fierce and efficient.  When we’re in it, we make mistakes.  We’re human.  We’re very scared and exhausted humans right now.  And you’re not alone.  The whole world over there are scared and exhausted creatures just trying to live.  In a strange way, this virus leads us straight to that interconnected reality.  We want to live just as all living creatures want to live, ironically, just like this virus wants to live.  When you can feel that in your heart, that I want to live just as all other beings want to live, something has the chance to soften within you.  This is Life trying Its best to live through us.  Ultimately, it’s okay.  It’s just a bit intense right now.

I exercised my precious freedom to get outside for a walk today.  Have you been outside lately?  It’s my favourite season – Spring.  I’ll tell you what I saw in case you haven’t been out in a bit.  I saw buds fattening on the branches of the maple trees.  A pair of purple finches chirped away while sitting on the branches of a tree in our local park.  Beautiful light green and blood red things are poking their way up from the depths of the earth.  One neighbour solved the problem of lawn mowing by astroturfing their entire yard.  And I met the beautiful, smiling faces of community members who were also out for a walk.  One of them was even kind enough to ask me how I was doing.  It was a lovely moment of precious connection.

We’re still here, loved ones.  Nature (and we’re part of it) is chugging along.  The sun rises and sets.  The clouds gather and part.  The tides come and go.  And if we’re so, so fortunate, we’re here to witness it all.

Let us send beautiful wishes of love, health, peace and solidarity to one another.  And if you happen to have an extra roll of toilet paper, give it to someone who needs it!  😉

Sending you so much Love,

Tabitha

ps.  The cat, mysteriously, is perfectly okay.  Oh, Nature, you do confound me!

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